| | Proverbs 31:10-31 (NLT) 10 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life. 13 She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. 16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night. 19 Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm clothes. 22 She makes her own bedspreads.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24 She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
27 She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness. 28 Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her:
29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. Ouch. I continually stand amazed that there are women... women that I personally know!... that completely live up to this description. And while I should take this scripture, and those women, as inspiration to be more like a woman of noble character, mostly it just reminds me of how much I DON'T live up to it. How many times I am the complete opposite of this description. Lazy, rude, selfish, unwilling, unwanting, unkind. I long to be a good wife, a good mom, a good woman... yet, I don't strive to do things necessary on a regular basis. Why can't I do those things that I know I should be doing with a joyful spirit... heck, even a content spirit... anything other than a bitter and resentful spirit!?!? I am not a feminist... however somewhere deep inside (and oftentimes it bubbles to the surface) there are these feelings of straight resentment that it is MY DUTY to do these certain stereotyped gender role related things. It is assumed that it is my responsibility to be the cook, the cleaning crew, the compassionate nursemaid and at times that down right bugs me. I want so very much to do those things, to be the kind of woman that graciously accepts that role and excels at it! I want to be a great homemaker, I really do... I'm just not sure it's in me. I've been married for over 7 years, in our home for 6 and a mother for 3 1/2... those tasks (and feeling related to them) have not gotten any better so far. I continue to think to myself, well... if I didn't work and I stayed at home, those things would start to come naturally. But I'm pretty sure I'm kidding myself. I think that they would still be a daily (hourly!) struggle, only it would be even worse because I'd have no excuse to fall back on. I think everyone knows that my greatest desire right now is to stay at home with Preston and have more kids (soon!). But I wonder what will happen to me when that becomes a reality. Will I be able to handle it? Will I take on that homemaker role and get better at it? Or will I be as terrible as ever at keeping up the house, cooking, etc.? I mean, it's harder with more kids, not easier, right? And will I be able to handle not going to work every day? It sounds lovely now, but in actuality will I go crazy? I've been working since I was 15 or so. I don't really consider myself a busybody, but... I was involved in every possible activity in high school and held a part-time job. Through college, I crammed as many classes as I could in with a part-time job. I was constantly on the go, hardly ever at home. And since graduation, I've kept busy with work+husband+home+child. What would it be like to "just" be at home with the kids. Now, I know, I know... all you stay at home moms are screaming "How dare you say 'just sit at home' like we sit on the couch, watching soaps and eating bon bons!" Trust me, I know that's not what you do. That's why I'm freaked out. Will I be able to handle NOT getting away from the daily tasks of keeping house and being with the kids 24/7? Right now, work is my escape... I don't have to think about how dirty the kitchen floor is or how many piles of laundry I have to do when I'm at work. And I ENJOY my job (shoot, it's an amazing blessing of a job!). If I didn't get that 'escape' on a daily basis, I WOULD have to think of those things constantly and... well, it might break me down. Or... it might actually get done. Hmm. I don't know where I'm going with all of this, just thought I'd share what's going on in my head on a constant loop, I guess. Right now there is no immediate need to change anything, other than my attitude. We are not at a place financially where I can stop working. Until Michael is able to find a job that he loves and would support us and allow for that, I can just continue to pray that THAT JOB does come along soon and that God changes my heart about housework and gender roles in general. He knows what has to happen to move us towards the desires of our hearts, and in the meantime... we just have to trust Him and do our best at what's in front us. So... it looks like I need to hit the grocery store, learn how to sew, organize our bookshelves, bust out the mop (holy cow, do we HAVE a mop?!)... P.S. I'm not really reading the book listed below, however... I probably should be. |
